


Voices Of Freedom

by Hekate1308



Category: The Tudors
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-19 19:34:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1481455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hekate1308/pseuds/Hekate1308
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I am innocent, despite what everyone says. All the voices say I'm innocent, and why shouldn't they? They have been with me for so long, they should know. They will tell you that I'm innocent. Lady Rochford in the Tower.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Voices Of Freedom

I am innocent, despite what everyone says. All the voices say I'm innocent, and why shouldn't they? They have been with me for so long, they should know. They will tell you that I'm innocent.

I watched them, yes I did. But they had me do it; they had me watch them because who else could? Who else could she trust to watch out for the guards, to lie, to hide her secret from the king? There was only me. All the others... They were young, inexperienced, scared. I couldn't let anyone else be a part of their affair. They would have told, they would have let anyone know that the honour of the king had been soiled... I couldn't allow that.

I couldn't allow that, Milords, I couldn't allow that. I was the one she trusted, I was the one who understood her, I was the one to help her every time she had a problem. She was such a little fool; i had to help her, don't you understand? She was so alone, raised to the highest position of the kingdom, and she needed a guiding hand. Someone she could trust, someone who knew what to do. I had to help her.

She was a fool, but she was so – alive. So happy. Yes, that is what she was. I'd never experienced that much happiness in my life. And –

Thomas? Why are you asking me about Thomas? No, please, the voices say I shouldn't talk about him, please please...

He was my friend. The first after – someone I can hardly remember.

What? George? I knew a man named George once, I know that much. He was bad to me. I didn't like him. But, for some reason that escapes me, I had to be there, had to stay with him, and he kept treating me badly. And yet I stayed. Something about my family, you see, I had to stay with him because of my family...

He didn't spent much time with me thankfully, I remember that much. He was – with someone else.

Sister? Which sister? You mean the one who lost her head? I remember her. I asked her for help once, but she did nothing. And I was still there, still with her brother, had to live with her brother, and then he was arrested, I think.

I was happy when he was gone. I told them all they wanted to know. True? What do you mean, was it true? What does truth have to do with anything? He was gone and that was all I wanted. Why does what freed me have to be true?

Be silent... You'll drown out the voices. No one is allowed to drown out the voices.

They say –

They say –

Yes, I lied. I lied when they asked me about the man named George. I said terrible things about him, although I don't know what I said. I think it included his sister. I knew the things I said were falsehoods. But I did. And then he never came back. He's long gone, I think, so long, long gone.

I didn't mourn him. He deserved it, every punch, ever tear I cried told me he deserved it. I still think he deserved it. I'll always think he deserved it. The voices say he deserved it too, and the voices are always right, you know. They know everything, you can trust him.

You want me to speak of the Queen again? What about her? The King couldn't give her a child, and he is old. She had to find someone younger, don't you see? Someone to fulfil her desires.

And Thomas –

Yes, yes, now I remember. Thomas, how could I forget him. He was there for me. He was good to me. He was the only man who had ever been good to me. And he wanted me, at least for a while. I know he wanted me; no one will ever convince me otherwise. It was nice, being wanted. I enjoyed being wanted.

So I had to help him. Helping him meant keeping him, don't you see? Helping him meant he would look at me, smile at me. I didn't want him to stop smiling at me. So few people had ever smiled at me.

Like the one Queen, the one with the kind eyes, the one who gave the King his son. She was good to me. She wanted me to come back to Court. She made me someone, me, who had lived so long in the darkness, without friends.

And yet – if it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't be here now.

What do you mean, I shouldn't say that? I can say what I want. The voices tell me so.

The voices have been with me for so long now... It seems they have always been there, comforting me, when I was alone, and I was alone so very, very often. I don't think you know how alone you can be in a marriage where there's no love, or in a room full of people who are all too afraid to look you in the face, or among such young fools. I like the voices. They never let me down. They are always there, always... Not like people. People leave, people turn their backs. The voices are there for me. The voices will stay with me.

Thomas? Oh. You want to talk about Thomas and the young fool again?

I had to watch, don't you understand? I had to. It was my duty to know everything about her –

Other relationships? Others? I think someone told me there had been others for her, I am not sure – why won't you leave me and the voices alone? I want to listen to them. They are so soothing. I trust them. I don't trust you. Who are you, anyway?

You told me? I know you? I don't think so. I can't remember. Why won't you leave me alone? Duty? I tell you about duty. Duty is standing in a cold corridor, waiting for the Queen and her lover to come out of your room. That's duty. It's dirty, you feel dirty doing it, and you don't want to do it, but you do it anyway –

That's why I stood there, I remember now, that's why I stood there and watched the Queen and her lover. Who else should have done it? At least, this way, no one would find out –

Yes, I know someone must have found out, because otherwise I wouldn't be here in this strange, cold bare room with only the voices for company. But I don't mind. I know it sounds strange, but it's nice, just me and the voices here... No one to please, no one to look after – I could get used to it.

Leave? I have to leave? I will leave when you tell me. I have no choice. But, really, can't you let me alone with the voices? I like the voices. I like them better than I like you, I'm afraid. Was that impolite of me? I'm sorry. I don't want to be disrespectful. The voices, you see, make it hard to hear myself, sometimes, and then I say things I don't mean –

If I meant anything I said? How am I supposed to know? This is all so confusing. I don't know what you want from me, anyway. I told you everything. I think. It's difficult to remember. It's much easier to just sit and listen to the voices.

Leaving me alone? Thank you.

When? Tomorrow? What? Death? Death doesn't scare me. Not with the voices whispering claiming words in my ear. What does it mean anyway? What does "execution" mean? And "death"?

Hello? They are gone. They left me just as I wanted answers.

At least I'll always have the voices.


End file.
